7 weird spinal fusion side effects

Two years ago I joined the ranks of the cyborgs as a large amount of titanium was embedded into my back. My crooked spine was partially straightened with two rods and twenty something screws.

The coolest spine around

It was a pivotal moment in my life, a significant turning point. It's now the reference point for my life. Events are framed in reference to when I was cut open. Did X occur before surgery or after?

I'm not going to tell you details of the surgery or recovery here. I'm not even going to tell you if the surgery was worth it. Those can be saved up for another time. Instead, here are some of the weirder side effects I've experienced as a result of spinal fusion surgery:

1. Ghost fingers

Sometimes, when I'm getting a back rub, it can feel like a finger is being pressed into my back really hard for a long time. And then, when I ask my partner what he is doing, it turns out he wasn't touching my back anymore. Freaky.

2. Confused numb patches

Only my back was cut up, but strangely enough I now have numb patches in a band across my front lower ribs. Stranger still, if i run my fingers across the numb patch on the left side I can feel fingers running across my back instead. And it feels wrong!

3. Numb patches that need to make up their minds

Are they numb? Yep. Touch them and at best I might get a muted, tingly sensation. But that doesn't stop them from hurting! You'd think if it was numb then it should be pain free. Hahaha... No. Especially not the right rib cage section where pieces of ribs were cut out.

4. Broken thermostat

This is one of the grossest, most annoying side effects of surgery. I now sweat a lot. It doesn't take much. Warm, humid weather (and by warm I mean mild. And by humid I don't mean tropical... Just a bit humid). It's not just a bit of dampness either. I mean water cascades down my torso. I used to love hot weather but now I feel hot, sweaty and flushed very easily. But this horrible symptom doesn't seem to affect me so badly when I'm actually in the tropics or in 40 plus degree dry heat in the desert.

5. Electric shocks

If I overdo things, sometimes it feels like electric shocks are happening in my back. Like someone has scraped their socked feet over the carpet then reached out and zapped me with their static electricity. I think this happens when a muscle spasms and annoys a nearby nerve.

6. Strange pains

I'm not going to lie. My back still hurts, often worse than it did pre-surgery. Sometimes the pain I feel is weird and it's difficult to describe. Let me give you some examples. Sometimes it feels like there is a large, painful hole behind my right shoulder blade. Or screws feel like they are popping out (don't worry, they aren't). Or the rods feel like they are bending. Or my scar feels crackly and dry and like it is going to split open. None of these things are actually happening but that's how it feels.

7. Memory loss

Since the surgery my short term memory has taken a massive hit. At first I thought it was due to the medication fog I lived in for a few months after, but it never fully recovered, even once I weaned off the meds. I'm not sure if it's a result of the anaesthesia, the medications, the trauma of surgery or maybe it's coincidental and I'm just getting old. I'm definitely more forgetful nowadays.

Maybe you've had back surgery and can relate. Maybe you've got your own set of weird side effects. Or maybe you're thinking about having your spine fused and you're gathering facts. Regardless, I hope this list was useful to you. Feel free to share your thoughts and questions below.